31 October 2006

Intuition and Your Child

I just finished reading an article on the power of intuition. Not intuition in the magical mind-reading, future telling sense, but intuition in the "knowing" sense.

Recent studies have found that people who actively use their intuition make accurate assessments of people, surroundings and events in mere moments. And studies have further shown that the assessments made, when evaluated, are quite "dead-on."

So, what value does this serve for you? Well, as your children grow and have what I would call "instinctive responses" to certain things, instead of questioning those feelings and pushing your child past them or through them, teach them the value of listening to that inner voice.

We're taught that we should learn, memorize, use common sense, and use other people as guides to making decisions, but I think we've all made decisions we've regretted by using these guides. The reality may be that we already know the best route, safest way, or who to trust by tapping into our own intuition.

So the next time your toddler, school-aged child, or teen has a strong feeling about something, teach them to trust what they're feeling. There's a really good chance that it's very in-tune with what's really going on. And by building and supporting them to trust in their own intuition, you provide them a great gift: the gift of self trust and strengthened intuition.

Build that, and you're starting something really great!

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29 October 2006

Autumn Fun

This time of year is great for frolicking in the leaves. So take your little high-energy bugaboo and let him play in a big pile of leaves. It's not only a heck of a lot of fun, but the cooler air and all that wild playing will get him ready for a peaceful afternoon nap.

Then, mom and dad, you should put your feet up and enjoy the change of seasons. Soon, you'll be more housebound so enjoy it while it lasts!

28 October 2006

Parenting the high-energy child — Part 2

My two-year-old child has two nicknames: Herc (for Hercules) and the white tornado (he's a blonde with wild curls that remind you a bit of Einstein). There's a reason for these nicknames... The first is that on a good day, he's simply incredibly strong. Today he tried to pick up an oscillating fan that weighs close to what he does. There was no struggle, just a heave-ho and up it went into the air. My husband was standing right beside him and I thought that my hubby had helped him hoist it up. On the contrary, dad was proud that he could lift something so big and had not helped one little bit.

On a bad day, well, the white tornado says it all. The little guy can tear through a room so fast that you don't know what hit you. There will be books scattered, drapes thrown aside, food smashed and chairs tipped over. You can see the younger cat peeking out from under the sofa with her tail fluffed and the old one offering a wicked stare that says "touch me kiddo, and you're going to feel the wrath."

I'm getting older, so mostly I just grin and wonder where all this energy comes from. It's not what he eats, because he doesn't really like to eat. Eating takes patience, and he has none. So it must be heredity. However, I have been told that I was quite a calm child — so I'm not taking the blame on this one.

I try to use some practical strategies with him. One strategy I find extremely helpful is called "wear him out." I begin with a good tickling by blowing on his belly or nibbling on his neck. Then we roll around on the floor a bit and I ask him if he wants to kick the ball. It's a small ball, so it does little extra damage, but it gets him moving his little legs and running around the living room. Sometimes I can get the older kids to do this, and they're good at doing it until he's ready to fall to the ground in exhaustion... which is pretty much the purpose of the plan.

At this point I can feed him, or read to him, or get him to sit still long enough to trim his little fingernails. And you moms and dads know what I mean about that. Ever try to trim a high-energy kid's fingernails when they're hyped up??? Best of luck to you.

Try the ball-kicking activity. Your chances of success with nail trimming or accomplishing much of anything with your child will increase substantially after he's well exercised.

Take care! And get some rest!

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26 October 2006

Parenting the high-energy child

Wow! I have a two-year old son that just never stops. And regularly I get asked how to parent a high-energy child. It's funny, because there's no magic answer (there are several tricks, but no magic unfortunately).

From experience, I automatically respond, "get as much sleep as you can." And that answer is followed with laughter. But I really believe it's true, a well-rested parent is much more likely to have good responses to a child who just seems to never, ever stop.

I have seven kids, and my youngest is the high-energy kid. You'd think God would have cut me some slack and sent the busy-body when I was younger, but I'm convinced that he's got a sense of humor and decided to wait until I was far more tired.

The good news is that I have some older children who can help me chase the little guy around. The bad news is that the other kids think he's quite a riot and so they feed his energy.

Some things that help parents in need? Well, I know that a schedule helps immensely. Try to keep your child on a solid schedule. Tired, high-energy children are far more difficult to handle than well rested ones. You might think they'll run out of energy if they're tired, but experience tells me that they just get cranky and use all that energy for destructive behavior — and that's when you're really in trouble...

So, as the loving tough-love mom and coach that I am, I'm suggesting that you schedule yourself some good sleep time, keep your toddler or pre-schooler on a tight schedule, keep the healthy foods going in (for you and your child) and don't wait for him to get too tired.

Last night my toddler decided to throw a ceramic plate off the table because his food wasn't ready yet. The plate didn't make it. The floor was ok. And I learned to get him strapped into his high chair sooner, rather than later.

Happy chasing!!

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12 October 2006

Teenagers are great!

I'm a mother of 2 teenagers and a bonus mom of 2 more teens. There are days I'm certain that I'm the most out of touch parent in the world. I don't know how to dress, I am an embarassment to my teenage daughters, and I can hardly wait for the day my son tells me not to get too close to him in public.

But, as a mom, I still love these years. Last night I squished down in the couch between my 14 & 16-year-old girls and they sat there, stuck, like I had just upset their comfortable worlds by sitting between them while they were watching one of their favorite shows. I grabbed my 14- year-old and said "get over here!" I tucked her under one arm and pulled my 16-year-old over so that she sort of "tipped" until she was leaning on me still rather stiff. It was quite the struggle, but as an outsider, you would have thought we were snuggling.

As they continued to tune into their show, they slowly got comfy until my 16-year-old plopped on my lap and said "mom, my neck hurts." That was a signal that she wanted a neck rub — but it was also a sign that she was snuggling in and remembering who I was... her mom. It was also the transition from "I'm too cool to snuggle with my mom" to a remembering that mom is always around to rub a neck, fix a hurt or listen to a complaint.

Sometimes it takes squeezing in between them to get their attention. But sometimes the attention is just what they need to bring them back from the teen world to ours.

Happy weekend!!!

09 October 2006

Parenting Resource for YOU!

Hi all!

Today's my youngest son's second birthday, so we have reason to celebrate in our home. Plus, I was honored to be invited to share my knowledge on another parenting website — so today's a pretty good day in here in Wisconsin!

I've just been invited to be an advisor on the Parental Wisdom website (www.parentalwisdom.com) and I wanted to share this site as an additional resource for you. You can email your questions once you become a member on the site, and then 3 or 4 of the advisors will provide you with an answer to your parenting challenge. You can also read the responses to other questions and see if any of the parenting advice resonates with you... Just another resource to help your parenting journey be a wonderful one!

Happy day!

04 October 2006

Just a Little More Time

Working moms and dads just want a little more time. The rush-rush-rush of life has gotten to be too much and we parents are really feeling it. An article in the Huntsville Times seems to capture the sentiment quite well:

http://www.al.com/business/huntsvilletimes/index.ssf?/base/business/
1147598380219180.xml&coll=1

But what are we to do about it? That's where some good tools come in to play. For instance, when's the last time you said "no" to something that you really didn't want to do? When's the last time you turned the TV off and unplugged the phone to opt for family time without interruptions?

Our rapid pace, full work days and regular responsibilities seem to snowball, leaving us feeling worn down, worn out and just plain exhausted. I recommend change for families that is a little like going cold turkey, for instance: Throw the breaker in the house on a fall day and pretend that the electricity went out. You'll save a few bucks and if you do it at night, you can enjoy the candle light, the time together (because no one wants to be alone in the dark) and if people really get bored, just do what they did in the "old days," sing a song, turn the radio on or play a game. Then when you've had enough time together, go throw it back on without others knowing.

As the parent, it's your responsiblity to take action towards change. If you don't, I can pretty much guarantee that it's just going to stay the same... And let me tell you, the time flies by and pretty soon they're in college and you're wondering why you didn't make the time. Don't go there. Start now. After all everything you do is a CHOICE – you may say "I can't," but I ask you to be honest and admit that what you mean is "I won't." There's very little we cannot do. And yes, sometimes fear keeps us complacent.

If you need a little motivation or some tools to fight the fears, call me. I'll get you headed in the right direction and you'll never look back!!!

03 October 2006

Teen Challenge in a Blended Family

A recent survey produced this question. My answer is below and the general concept can be applied to parenting teens through tough issues — start by simply putting yourself in their shoes:

What is the best way to handle a situation where 2 teens have been attracted to one another since before our relationship brought them into the same house... the jealousies of one another, the drama and games they play, their closeness and distance from one another, and how to help them and support them in their decisions with relationships and friendships as a result of their closeness and desire for a relationship, which they have been keeping at bay?


If I understand this correctly, these two children have been attracted to each other since prior to the time when you and your spouse were married. If I don’t understand the question correctly, then my entire response will not apply.

I have to say first of all, that bringing two teenagers together in the same household is a challenge when they are NOT attracted to each other, so you have your work cut out for you.

My first question to you is this: What would you have done if your parent put you in the same home with your teenage love? I want you to go all the way back to the strongest attraction you had prior to age 20. I want you to remember what it was like to be together and what it was like to have to be apart. I want you and your spouse to sit down and experience this vividly and discuss this together (without the kids).

Then I want you to discuss how you think the kids feeeeeeeeellll – how being stepsiblings now complicates these feelings of attraction and makes something that may have been a normal teenage attraction into something that now feels somehow inappropriate.

Next, I would like you to remember back to when you were a teen and someone told you that you couldn’t have something. Did you want it more? Or less? How did that make you feel?

Now, I’m leading a little here, but I want you and your spouse to really feel the attraction and the power of wanting something that you really can’t have. And I want you to remember some of the decisions that you made as a teenager that maybe weren’t quite perfect. I want you to remember very specific examples of times that you considered doing something that you would NEVER want your teenager to do.

Ok, enough with the set-up. If you weren’t convinced, you should be now. You have a challenge here. The challenge is in understanding what those kids are going through and then letting them know just how completely you understand. The reason you need to put yourself all the way back into your teenage shoes is because the only way your kids will believe that you understand them, is if YOU REALLY DO.

And right now, those two kids need you to understand. If they KNOW you both understand, it will make everything a whole lot easier for them.

If on the other hand, you do not understand, refuse to understand, or are afraid of communicating that you really do understand, they will feel as though they have no one to talk to - except each other. And right now, they need YOU.

Spend a couple of days feeling just how it would be to be them - and then sit down with them and have a nice, long, kind, loving discussion over a bowl of soup, a cup of hot tea or while laying on lawn chairs in the backyard.

Don’t get in their face. Don’t force them to talk about it. Don’t make them have eye contact with you - because this stuff is uncomfortable. Tell them you know that you made it difficult for them but that you are willing to work through this with them. Explain how you’ve taken the time to really consider what they might be going through. And promise them that no matter what happens, you will try to understand.

Build the trust so they will come to you instead of hiding from you. Keep the lines of communication open. One talk will not fix the problem - consistent understanding, open ears, calm responses and a true COMMITMENT to really hearing what they have to say is the path that these kids need most.

Thanks for asking.